i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
