She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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