I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
