and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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