Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
