Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
