I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
