Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
