Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
