Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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