Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
