what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
