Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Soap is not a condiment
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
