I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
