he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
