somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
