So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
