My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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