yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
