I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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