i just had sex bonerless
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
