So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
