so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
