this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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