I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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