did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
