Having a random hookup so left but love u
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
