Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
