dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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