Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
