i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
