Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
