its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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