i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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