8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize