Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
