I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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