I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
