bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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