we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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