take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
