so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
