yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
