It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
