I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
