I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
