i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
