Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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