im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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