I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
