Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
