the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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