I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
