You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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