she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
