I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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