Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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