Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.

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(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(936): View more from Texas

You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".

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(501): View more from Arkansas

No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything

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(206): View more from Washington

I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.

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