i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
