Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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