apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
