ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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