I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
