If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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