Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
