Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
