I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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