i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
