Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
