The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
