couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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