She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
