I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
