were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
