I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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