Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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