come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
