I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
