Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
