u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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