I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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