So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
