Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
