No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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