she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
