white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
